Have you been called a Control Freak? Micro Manager? Bossy Pants or Chiefy??
I've been called ALL OF THEM!
It finally dawned on me perhaps it might make sense to investigate... and try to get control of this control issue 🙂
What I discovered was my need for everything and everyone to be OKAY resulted in....exhaustion, stress, constriction, and wasted time. Why did (and at times still do) I have this need to control outcomes? Was it to prevent feeling guilty about putting my needs above others? Was it the fact that the collateral damage of others being unhappy while I followed my path was too much to bear? Or was I really just a control freak plain and simple?
Or maybe beneath it all I got a whole lot of satisfaction and reward out of being needed (or my perception of being needed!)
Pleasing others to the extreme somehow satisfied and satiated my desire to feel that I was enough. That I had value. That I mattered.
Because if everyone was simply okay without my direction, what and who did that make me? What was left? Where's my purpose?
I like to equate it to this....
Like life, a river has twists and turns. We never quite know what is around the bend and what we anticipated would be, is the opposite. Life doesn't always turn out like we expected it.
This "life river" has rocky roadblocks and currents creating chaos which can really take us off course.
It has mucky areas and damns where we get stuck.
And sometimes people are floating with us, while others times we are alone. Just me, myself, and I.
We have absolutely no control over the rivers. It has a life of its own. We do however, have control over one thing:
Our decision to swim upstream or downstream.
When we swim upstream against the current, it's a struggle. We lose energy, feel drained, and most likely exist in survival mode.
When we chose to pivot and let the river carry us downstream, life becomes filled with more ease. It's not to say we won't encounter challenging areas, but because our energy reserves our high, we are able to navigate those sketchy waters with less effort.
Whenever I notice my energy is extremely low I realize two things. First, I need to take better care of myself.... and secondly, I need to let go of the grip. Both of these are 100% within my control.
Where are you swimming upstream? How is that working for you? What would it feel like to stop, turn, and let go?
p.s. If you know someone struggling with control, forward this on or comment below.
Have a great weekend!