Confrontation, while not fun and at times painful, can also be an opportunity for growth and a doorway into respecting yourself in a new way.
We've all had the situations where we choose to confront a situation or person and the outcome is positive. We've also had the opposite outcome where what's left is regret, guilt, and the situation actually worsening.
What's the perfect recipe for handling difficult situations with logic, grace, and an open heart?
A colleague of mine recently brought me in to assist him with facilitating a corporate workshop centered around things like "one mindset," "personal values," and "dealing with change," One pain point within the organization was lack of authenticity. In order to move past this hurdle, vulnerability was required...a buzz word you don't often hear individuals being comfortable within the corporate realm!
My colleague shared a tool called "SBI." Situation. Behavior. Impact.
When sharing feedback (constructive AND positive) it's key to handle it promptly, use specific examples of behavior, and here is the kicker...explain the impact on you and the company rather than pointing the finger at the other person (this is where vulnerability comes in!)
Situation: Yesterday, at the board meeting....
Behavior: You arrived 20 minutes late (describing the behavior must be specific and something that happened that if it was videotaped no one could argue with... essentially "just the facts.")
Impact: It made me feel frustrated as there was valuable information in the first 20 minutes that will impact our company. (Notice the impact is pointed at "me" and the company.)
A client yesterday reminded me of the power of using this tool in personal relationships as well.
Think about it... the last time you argued with your spouse or child or friend did you explain how their behavior made you FEEL or did you tell them what THEY were doing?
Situation: Yesterday in the car on the way to dinner...
Behavior: While I was driving you told me how fast to go, the quickest route, and where to park.
Impact: All of that made me feel inadequate as a driver and frustrated that the choices I make aren't good enough which makes me concerned for our relationship on a bigger scale.
The powerful thing around making the impact describe YOU rather than THEM is that when we are courageous enough to be vulnerable, it makes it nearly impossible for the other person to get defensive around how YOU feel.
Don't forget to try this with colleagues, children, and personal relationships when you want to give feedback on something wonderful they created or did.
Situation: Yesterday at dinner...
Behavior: You really listened to my current struggle with XYZ work issue.
Impact: That made me feel supported and cared for and really happy to be in this relationship/company/partnership.